Dear God, It's me Crystal

Dear God,

You have blessed me with two seriously beautiful children. I know I am partial, but look at these kids:

They are some seriously good looking children.

Joseph is also blessed with a determined, energetic and persistent personality. This makes parenting him as a toddler both a great joy and an immense challenge.

When I was pregnant with Conrad, I asked that you bless me with an equally wonderful child, one who maybe could also be a slightly easier infant than Joseph was. It seems this was not in your plans. Severe reflux and a potential milk allergy do not make for an easy infant. And persistent, active toddlers do not like hanging around the house waiting for infants with milk allergies to repeat their 2 hour cycle of eating, vomiting, crying/fussing, sleeping for 10 min, then waking up screaming, only to repeat said cycle.

I can only assume that you are continuing to bless me with these challenging infants/toddlers because you have some great reward for me in the future. These children with such strong little personalities will certainly grow into adults with strong personalities. These personalities will help them to achieve great things in life....things that will reward them handsomely monetarily. In return for me dealing with their challenging little personalities as children, they will certainly reward me by letting me live out my retirement in luxury....exotic vacations, a large house with a full staff of help, daily spa treatments.

Certainly this must be your plan. Correct? Please tell me I am making the right assumption because right now there are days where this assumption is the only things that gets me through the day.

Sincerely,

Crystal

Hoarder

I'm starting to get concerned that Joseph's future has him starring in an episode of "Hoarders: Buried Alive". He clearly inherited my mom's family gene of being a pack rat, at the very least. My grandfather and mother save everything - like boxes of newspaper articles from 1963, every greeting card they have ever received, and check registers from 1984. If I had a toy, it's still in my parent's attic.

Joseph's early tendencies towards this trait include his need to travel with an entourage of his favorite things. As of right now, the count of things that need to be in his crib each night are 3 pacis, 5 lovey blankets, 3 stuffed animals and 1 pillow. In the morning, we can't leave his room until all these items have been loaded in our arms to make the trip to the couch for his morning cartoons. If one falls on the floor on either the trip into the family room or once he is on the couch, a lot of shrieking ensues. This pretty much captures 7am at our house:

Luckily, despite several tantrums, I have been able to keep the entourage down to Joseph's two favorite loveys and 1 paci when we actually leave the house. The funniest part is that one we get someplace fun, Joseph ditches his prized possessions faster than you can imagine. We like to say "Joseph's up to serious business" when he hands us his loveys and pacis saying "All Done!" and runs off to play.

And because an entry wouldn't be complete without Conrad making an appearance, the latest pictures of the boys together.

Conrad is becoming quite the chunker - which is to be expected when the kid takes 4 oz every 2-3 hours around the clock. Although we did get a 4 hour stretch from 9:15 pm to 1:15 am last night. Of course, he was then up every 2 hours after that. Lucky for Rich he had the 10 pm - 2 am shift and I had the 2 am - 6 am shift last night, of which I slept none of. Rich was sweet enough to go into work late this morning and let me get back in bed until 7:30 this morning after finally settling Conrad back down at 6 am (Joseph was up at 6:20 am).

We survived!!!!

Well, the first week of being a stay-at-home mom to two kids is over. I have to say, it wasn't THAT bad. We had our rough moments, like the following:

• I load two kiddos into the car (a process that alone takes 10 minutes) and head to the grocery store to pick up some essentials. Conrad is not happy about it. He screams the entire 5 minute drive there. I figure he's hungry and end up breastfeeding him for 10 minutes in the back of the car when we get there. He settles down and I undergo the process of getting 2 kids out of the car and into a double stroller. Conrad is calm for all of 15 minutes only to launch into hysterics halfway through the store. We head off to the bathroom to warm up a bottle. He's screaming his head off when Joseph notices the tampon dispenser. Apparently, this looks like an awesome toy and he is now screaming to get off the stroller and play with it. After sucking down 1/2 an ounce, Conrad calms down again...only to start screaming again as we walk out. At this point, anyone walking into the store could hear me say "This would make a good commercial for birth control". I get to the car only to realize some asshat has parked so close to me that there is no way I can get Conrad's car seat into the car. I pick up the monstrosity of a car seat on the other side of the car and somehow get it past Joseph's car seat and across the backseat. BTW, it was about 90 degrees. Oh yea, and in the middle of this chaos some cooky old bat interrupts me to ask if Joseph and Conrad are twins???? Yeah, lady they are, we just kept Conrad in the womb for 23 extra months!
• On Thursday, Conrad decides he needs to eat 10 minutes before Joseph needs to go down for a nap and Conrad isn't the quickest eater. Joseph, in his typical overtired fashion, is running around the room like a crazy man. He trips over a toy and face plants into a basket of toys. Crying ensues and I am trying to calm him down from the couch when he lifts his little head and blood is streaming from his mouth. Conrad's feeding is abruptly ended - he gets thrown into the swing - and I am trying to apply a cold cloth and assess the seriousness of Joseph's injury. Meanwhile, Conrad is screaming for more food. Luckily Joseph's injury did not require any sort of doctor's visit - just a superficial cut to the lip that bled like crazy.

Overall, though, those were pretty isolated incidents. Sure, it was hectic trying to get two kids and their supplies out of the house, attempting to make sure Joseph didn't seriously harm himself (or Conrad) while I was trying to get lunches ready or laundry folded, worrying about whether each child was getting enough of my attention, but it really wasn't as bad as I was expecting. We got out of the house everyday. Conrad came to play dates, the park and trips to Target and only exhibited some minor fussiness while out and about. Despite not napping more than 30 minutes any day, Joseph remained relatively happy and content with the new schedule and routine. We all survived.

Of course, we have lots of people who assisted us in surviving the week...my playgroup Mommy friends for opening their houses to us for play dates (play dates that allowed me to sit in one spot while Joseph expended energy in a contained area) and sending us home with yummy dinners, the night nurse who is coming every other night, allowing me to sleep 7 hours (with a quick pumping session in the middle), and my husband for managing to come home before 6 pm every night and doing more than his fair share of night time duties to help keep me sane.

So on the eve of beginning week 2, I am optimistic that handling these two will not actually send me to an early demise. I know there are going to be days ahead when both are sick or one is teething or I am just exhausted and I am going to lay down on the floor and cry or call Rich telling him I am losing my mind or drink a pitcher of margaritas at 11 am, but I am actually starting to think this might end up being kinda fun...