Life Goes On

And now that the theme song to that show is in my head...ob la di, ob la da....

Moving on...let's get this out right away. I know I am a poor excuse of a blogger. It's been almost a month. That's pathetic.

However, in our defense we have been a tad busy. The month of May so far has offered a milk protein allergy for Conrad which was followed by a 3 day horrific transition to formula, a failed attempt to cut dairy from my diet and an emotionally difficult decision to just stop breastfeeding (just typing that makes the mommy guilt swell up so much that I want to cry). May also treated us to colds for everyone in the house (mine turned into a lovely ear infection, sinus infection and bronchitis trifecta that still has me coughing up a lung all day long), a stomach bug for Joseph (which conveniently reared it's ugly ahead about 10 hours before what would have been his birthday party), 2 cases of oral thrush for Conrad and 1 for Joseph . Oh yeah and on April 30th, Rich resigned from his job because we are moving to Connecticut next week. Ya know, a toddler and a newborn wasn't enough for us so we decided to move across the country. I don't think I need to list out the 1,000 things we've been busy with associated with moving You can figure that out on your own. Oh, and if you didn't realize, we've still got 8 days of May left.

Anyways, whether it's the move or the weird hormonal effects of no longer breastfeeding, I've been weepy and reflective the last week or so (when I actually have 3 minutes to think). I keep wondering where time is going...I met Rich 10 years ago in May, graduated from college 7 years ago, we're celebrating our 7 year anniversary next week, my teeny tiny baby Joseph is a 2 year old who attempts to boss me around - Mommy sit! Mommy no! Mommy bye bye! (which he says as he slams the door to his room when he wants to be alone to read...errr... I mean, put stickers all over his furniture and color on the walls), Conrad is hurdling towards 3 months and the teeny little newborn clothes are already re-packed in plastic bins and back in the attic. Where has all this time gone?

With the move to Connecticut approaching so quickly, I keep imagining this visual of turning the page of a book from one chapter to another. I've been in Charlotte almost 8 years. 8 years of wonderful memories, favorite places, great friends. 8 years with so many life milestones...getting married, buying our first home, welcoming two beautiful babies into the world. I find myself driving past the park I love to take Joseph to, a favorite restaurant, the school Joseph would have gone too and the tears just overwhelm me. It's hard to leave a place you love, a place you know you could have been happy in for the next 20 years. Don't get me wrong, we know we've made a great decision to move to Connecticut and are excited about the opportunities for our family there, but it doesn't make leaving this place we love any easier.

One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with about moving now is the fact that I know my boys are going to have no memory of this place. No memory of the home where they were dreamed of, where we anxiously waited their arrival, lovingly prepared a nursery for them, brought them home from the hospital and where Joseph accomplished so many of his first milestones. Beyond the pictures we have, they'll never know what this place was like. And that brings the tears every time...

Perhaps the most bittersweet reminder that life is always moving forward came on May 15th. I'd been so busy and sick that the actual date had not been registering with me for days but I happened to write the date that day. I literally stopped in my tracks thinking "Oh my god, how did I forget what yesterday was?" May 14th marked 3 years since my miscarriage - the worst day of my life - a day when I sat in my OB's office listening to the worst news I'd ever received, a day when I cried myself to complete exhaustion, a day when I thought my heart would never stop aching and this pain would be with me forever. How did I not even remember 3 years later? When did the constant ache turn into something that only hurt on the rare occasions when I actually was reminded of it? I guess 2 kids and 3 years later, it just happened.

So as May comes to close and our days in Charlotte count down, I am constantly reminded that life does go on. We'll build a life in Stamford, new friends will be made, new places will become our favorite spots and all of what I currently know will be a fond, but distant memory.