Success...at last!

Some of you may know that I am obsessed with this online message board called The Nest. The obsession started 6 years ago when I was a senior in college and I was planning my wedding. At the time the board was The Knot and I spent every spare minute between classes on it, talking about weddings and reading about weddings. I am sure my college room mates remember making fun of me (hmmmm....Erin???). Once my wedding was over, life got busy (I sort of had this thing called a job) and The Knot was forgotten. But last spring when I got pregnant, I re-visited the website (which was now The Nest for pregnancy and baby related topics) and got sucked in once again.

Shortly after falling off the wagon and resuming my addiction, I miscarried. I wanted nothing to do with The Nest and the awful baby boards with happy, pregnant women in blissful ignorance of the fragility of pregnancy....but then I discovered The Nest had a pregnancy loss board. I gave it a try. In response to my first heartbreaking post, two wonderful chiquitas, Mandie and Harmony, who had just miscarried that week themselves, responded to me. From the start they were kind and supportive and understood every emotion I was experiencing. We immediately formed a connection through our pain and I could always count on them in the weeks and months after my miscarriage. When I lost it in Hallmark because the Father's Day cards put me over the edge or when I saw a pregnant woman and had horrible jealous feelings that I wasn't proud of, they always understood. We were travelling the same road of loss and sadness together. As much as I loved (and still love) my closest family members and friends, no one I was close to had been through what I was going through. At times when I felt lonely and thought my friends were tired of hearing me cry about my miscarriage (which maybe they were or maybe it was all in my head), I would log on to The Nest and these two girls were always there for me. There were days that their words on a website were the only thing that pulled me through my grief.

We all moved on to trying to get pregnant again. I screamed with joy last August when Mandie announced she was pregnant again. She and Harmony celebrated with me a week later when I announced with much anxiety and excitement that I too had once again seen two lines on a pregnancy test. A few weeks later when I logged on and saw that Mandie had again lost her baby, I sobbed like it was happening to me. Every month, I would wait with much anticipation to see if this was the month Harmony would be pregnant again and my heart would drop with disappointment when she would announce it was another unsuccessful month. My pregnancy continued on. It was not without its scares and Mandie and Harmony were always there to comfort me, even though they were going through so much pain themselves. At times I felt guilty for my success coming so quickly and easily while they were still trying to achieve it, but they were always happy for me.

And then at the end of last year, it happened for them both...they were pregnant again! And these pregnancies would stick!! My little Joseph came first in April. Harmony's precious little Aidan arrived at the end of July. I remember getting her e-mail and seeing his picture and just being overwhelmed with happiness. And then this week, the final success was achieved when Mandie welcomed Anderson into the world. I cried tears of joy for her. After four losses and too many tears to count, there are three little boys in this world as proof of our success!

I have never met them in real life, but consider them true friends. I love you girls and can't wait to see our little guys grow. Congratulations to all three of us!