Differences

A first born child gets to enjoy his mobile peacefully.

When you are the second born child, you have to enjoy your mobile with your older brother all up in your bizness, turning the gosh darn thing on and off and smacking at it all rambunctious-like, nearing trampling you in the process.

The other difference- with baby #1, Mommy used the 20 minutes of mobile time to put on make-up or eat lunch. With baby #2, Mommy has to spend the 20 minutes listening to kid #1 scream "Up! Night Night!!!" until she lets him get in the crib with his brother and then has to stand right there making sure baby #2 doesn't end up with cracked ribs or missing an eye from big brother's attempts to smack the heck out of the mobile.

FYI - the reason Joseph is clad in just a diaper with wet hair is because mobile time happened after I attempted a shower. A shower that ended with Joseph in with me and an entire $25 bottle of Aveda face wash dumped into the tub. The mobile was supposed to keep Conrad happy while I clothed Joseph...but clearly that didn't work out in my favor.

The ugly truth

Alright, folks. I am going to give it to you straight because that's how I roll. Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm pretty open and honest. I don't sugar coat things. I don't pretend like marriage and having kids is a constant whirlwind of puppies and rainbows. There are days that suck. Days when at the exact right moment if someone were willing to trade me a martini and a copy of US Weekly for my kids, I might just take them up on it. Of course, there are moments and days that are wonderful too...but tonight I want to focus more on the part that sucks (excuse me, I feel the need to throw a pity party tonight).

So yeah, things kind of suck right now. Who knew moving with two kids 2 and under to a new place where you know NOBODY, would be stressful and overwhelming? I left a life that took 8 years to build in Charlotte and it's hard to not know where to take Joseph to blow off energy, to have other moms to get together with, not to have a list of nannies/babysitters to call so I can have some time to myself, to not have an established housekeeper to scrub my bathrooms yet. We are 90% moved in but there are pictures that need to be hung and lamps with no shades and piles of stuff everywhere because there are pieces of furniture we need to buy for this bigger house. My hyper-organized self feels like I am living in chaos. This place doesn't feel like home yet. I feel isolated and lonely and quite frankly, bored. I love my kids but 12 hours a day with no interaction besides a 3 month old and a 2 year old is mentally draining. I want adults to talk to...even if we are talking about the proper timing of potty training and the appropriate age to wean from the swaddle.

I am making efforts - I joined a couple mom's groups on meetup.com, I'm constantly researching kid's activities in the area, I have the name of a housekeeper, I've browsed sittercity.com, but it is going to take time to get my feet underneath me and get established....and this transition period is killing me. I'd be lying if I said I haven't cried everyday, sometimes more than once a day. And for anyone who knows me, this isn't surprising.

The kids aren't really making it easier either. Joseph loves being around other people. He loved his weekly playgroups as much as I did. We'd arrive in front of a house he recognized and he'd throw his arms up in the air and yell "Yay!" and practically fall out of the car trying to get out of there ASAP. He's in a period of adjustment too and not really understanding why he's stuck with just me all day everyday. He's acting out - if I tell him not to do something, he purposely does it with a look on his face that says "Hey lady, are you really going to stop me?". A week after moving into a house with 3 floors, he conveniently has learned how to open his baby gates. This has been a source of conflict between he and I all week. He can't stand the sight of his brother right now. I think somehow he equates his lack of being around other people with Conrad and well, he's sort of right.

I do try to get Joseph to the playground or the play area at the mall or the train table at the Barnes & Noble so he at least gets some interaction with other people but each of these attempts has resulted in major stress for me. First, Conrad hates his car seat. He screams his head off coming or going, or both. By the time we got home from Target on Monday, a trip that takes 10 minutes, he was near hyperventilating and had sweat through his clothes. I felt horrible but we can't avoid the car for the next 6 months. Like his older brother, he also has a hard time sleeping anywhere but my arms or his crib (and even for naps that lasts max 40 minutes). If we go out for a few hours, he's awake the entire time. By the end, he's overtired and just wants to sleep and ends up just crying and crying and crying until he dozes for a max of 5-10 minutes. His stomach issues and reflux keep him from being able to eat really large feedings so we're still doing 3-ish ounces every 2 hours or so (and don't even get me started on the spit up sessions that inevitably follow). A trip out usually means a feeding. Combine a feeding, a playground, a 2-year old who is persistently testing his limits and one tired, stressed mama and it never ends well, for anyone. I've lost my patience and yelled at Joseph more than I care to admit in the last few days and then the guilt eats me alive.

We went into this knowing the first few months would be rough but you can never really anticipate or imagine just how hard it will be until you are in the midst of it. I know by the fall things will be so much easier. And there are bright spots. I mean, we live a block and the half from the ocean. You can't help but smile when you walk to the end of the block and this is what greets you:

And when your sweet little boy enjoys running on the beach this much:

Or when your 3 month old who doesn't sleep outside the house falls asleep in the Baby Bjorn while at the beach:

And these moments are the what keeps me from trading these munchkins for that martini and US weekly...

All Boxed Up

Well, sort of boxed up. We don't actually have to pack a single box because we were left with strict instructions from the moving company not to pack anything - they'd be handling it all. However, in the last 5 years we (or I...because Rich thought it was a bad idea) had stockpiled a ton of empty boxes in the attic due to my rationale that they would be handy when we moved. So instead of packing them up, we had to collapse them all and haul them to the recycling center....all while Rich reminded me over and over that saving every diaper box that ever came in the house was ridiculous.

It was a pain but at least we did get some help from Joseph...

And the pile of boxes you see here is about 1/3 of what came out of the attic. We had already taken one trip to the recycling center when this video was taken.

Life Goes On

And now that the theme song to that show is in my head...ob la di, ob la da....

Moving on...let's get this out right away. I know I am a poor excuse of a blogger. It's been almost a month. That's pathetic.

However, in our defense we have been a tad busy. The month of May so far has offered a milk protein allergy for Conrad which was followed by a 3 day horrific transition to formula, a failed attempt to cut dairy from my diet and an emotionally difficult decision to just stop breastfeeding (just typing that makes the mommy guilt swell up so much that I want to cry). May also treated us to colds for everyone in the house (mine turned into a lovely ear infection, sinus infection and bronchitis trifecta that still has me coughing up a lung all day long), a stomach bug for Joseph (which conveniently reared it's ugly ahead about 10 hours before what would have been his birthday party), 2 cases of oral thrush for Conrad and 1 for Joseph . Oh yeah and on April 30th, Rich resigned from his job because we are moving to Connecticut next week. Ya know, a toddler and a newborn wasn't enough for us so we decided to move across the country. I don't think I need to list out the 1,000 things we've been busy with associated with moving You can figure that out on your own. Oh, and if you didn't realize, we've still got 8 days of May left.

Anyways, whether it's the move or the weird hormonal effects of no longer breastfeeding, I've been weepy and reflective the last week or so (when I actually have 3 minutes to think). I keep wondering where time is going...I met Rich 10 years ago in May, graduated from college 7 years ago, we're celebrating our 7 year anniversary next week, my teeny tiny baby Joseph is a 2 year old who attempts to boss me around - Mommy sit! Mommy no! Mommy bye bye! (which he says as he slams the door to his room when he wants to be alone to read...errr... I mean, put stickers all over his furniture and color on the walls), Conrad is hurdling towards 3 months and the teeny little newborn clothes are already re-packed in plastic bins and back in the attic. Where has all this time gone?

With the move to Connecticut approaching so quickly, I keep imagining this visual of turning the page of a book from one chapter to another. I've been in Charlotte almost 8 years. 8 years of wonderful memories, favorite places, great friends. 8 years with so many life milestones...getting married, buying our first home, welcoming two beautiful babies into the world. I find myself driving past the park I love to take Joseph to, a favorite restaurant, the school Joseph would have gone too and the tears just overwhelm me. It's hard to leave a place you love, a place you know you could have been happy in for the next 20 years. Don't get me wrong, we know we've made a great decision to move to Connecticut and are excited about the opportunities for our family there, but it doesn't make leaving this place we love any easier.

One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with about moving now is the fact that I know my boys are going to have no memory of this place. No memory of the home where they were dreamed of, where we anxiously waited their arrival, lovingly prepared a nursery for them, brought them home from the hospital and where Joseph accomplished so many of his first milestones. Beyond the pictures we have, they'll never know what this place was like. And that brings the tears every time...

Perhaps the most bittersweet reminder that life is always moving forward came on May 15th. I'd been so busy and sick that the actual date had not been registering with me for days but I happened to write the date that day. I literally stopped in my tracks thinking "Oh my god, how did I forget what yesterday was?" May 14th marked 3 years since my miscarriage - the worst day of my life - a day when I sat in my OB's office listening to the worst news I'd ever received, a day when I cried myself to complete exhaustion, a day when I thought my heart would never stop aching and this pain would be with me forever. How did I not even remember 3 years later? When did the constant ache turn into something that only hurt on the rare occasions when I actually was reminded of it? I guess 2 kids and 3 years later, it just happened.

So as May comes to close and our days in Charlotte count down, I am constantly reminded that life does go on. We'll build a life in Stamford, new friends will be made, new places will become our favorite spots and all of what I currently know will be a fond, but distant memory.

Dear God, It's me Crystal

Dear God,

You have blessed me with two seriously beautiful children. I know I am partial, but look at these kids:

They are some seriously good looking children.

Joseph is also blessed with a determined, energetic and persistent personality. This makes parenting him as a toddler both a great joy and an immense challenge.

When I was pregnant with Conrad, I asked that you bless me with an equally wonderful child, one who maybe could also be a slightly easier infant than Joseph was. It seems this was not in your plans. Severe reflux and a potential milk allergy do not make for an easy infant. And persistent, active toddlers do not like hanging around the house waiting for infants with milk allergies to repeat their 2 hour cycle of eating, vomiting, crying/fussing, sleeping for 10 min, then waking up screaming, only to repeat said cycle.

I can only assume that you are continuing to bless me with these challenging infants/toddlers because you have some great reward for me in the future. These children with such strong little personalities will certainly grow into adults with strong personalities. These personalities will help them to achieve great things in life....things that will reward them handsomely monetarily. In return for me dealing with their challenging little personalities as children, they will certainly reward me by letting me live out my retirement in luxury....exotic vacations, a large house with a full staff of help, daily spa treatments.

Certainly this must be your plan. Correct? Please tell me I am making the right assumption because right now there are days where this assumption is the only things that gets me through the day.

Sincerely,

Crystal

Hoarder

I'm starting to get concerned that Joseph's future has him starring in an episode of "Hoarders: Buried Alive". He clearly inherited my mom's family gene of being a pack rat, at the very least. My grandfather and mother save everything - like boxes of newspaper articles from 1963, every greeting card they have ever received, and check registers from 1984. If I had a toy, it's still in my parent's attic.

Joseph's early tendencies towards this trait include his need to travel with an entourage of his favorite things. As of right now, the count of things that need to be in his crib each night are 3 pacis, 5 lovey blankets, 3 stuffed animals and 1 pillow. In the morning, we can't leave his room until all these items have been loaded in our arms to make the trip to the couch for his morning cartoons. If one falls on the floor on either the trip into the family room or once he is on the couch, a lot of shrieking ensues. This pretty much captures 7am at our house:

Luckily, despite several tantrums, I have been able to keep the entourage down to Joseph's two favorite loveys and 1 paci when we actually leave the house. The funniest part is that one we get someplace fun, Joseph ditches his prized possessions faster than you can imagine. We like to say "Joseph's up to serious business" when he hands us his loveys and pacis saying "All Done!" and runs off to play.

And because an entry wouldn't be complete without Conrad making an appearance, the latest pictures of the boys together.

Conrad is becoming quite the chunker - which is to be expected when the kid takes 4 oz every 2-3 hours around the clock. Although we did get a 4 hour stretch from 9:15 pm to 1:15 am last night. Of course, he was then up every 2 hours after that. Lucky for Rich he had the 10 pm - 2 am shift and I had the 2 am - 6 am shift last night, of which I slept none of. Rich was sweet enough to go into work late this morning and let me get back in bed until 7:30 this morning after finally settling Conrad back down at 6 am (Joseph was up at 6:20 am).

We survived!!!!

Well, the first week of being a stay-at-home mom to two kids is over. I have to say, it wasn't THAT bad. We had our rough moments, like the following:

• I load two kiddos into the car (a process that alone takes 10 minutes) and head to the grocery store to pick up some essentials. Conrad is not happy about it. He screams the entire 5 minute drive there. I figure he's hungry and end up breastfeeding him for 10 minutes in the back of the car when we get there. He settles down and I undergo the process of getting 2 kids out of the car and into a double stroller. Conrad is calm for all of 15 minutes only to launch into hysterics halfway through the store. We head off to the bathroom to warm up a bottle. He's screaming his head off when Joseph notices the tampon dispenser. Apparently, this looks like an awesome toy and he is now screaming to get off the stroller and play with it. After sucking down 1/2 an ounce, Conrad calms down again...only to start screaming again as we walk out. At this point, anyone walking into the store could hear me say "This would make a good commercial for birth control". I get to the car only to realize some asshat has parked so close to me that there is no way I can get Conrad's car seat into the car. I pick up the monstrosity of a car seat on the other side of the car and somehow get it past Joseph's car seat and across the backseat. BTW, it was about 90 degrees. Oh yea, and in the middle of this chaos some cooky old bat interrupts me to ask if Joseph and Conrad are twins???? Yeah, lady they are, we just kept Conrad in the womb for 23 extra months!
• On Thursday, Conrad decides he needs to eat 10 minutes before Joseph needs to go down for a nap and Conrad isn't the quickest eater. Joseph, in his typical overtired fashion, is running around the room like a crazy man. He trips over a toy and face plants into a basket of toys. Crying ensues and I am trying to calm him down from the couch when he lifts his little head and blood is streaming from his mouth. Conrad's feeding is abruptly ended - he gets thrown into the swing - and I am trying to apply a cold cloth and assess the seriousness of Joseph's injury. Meanwhile, Conrad is screaming for more food. Luckily Joseph's injury did not require any sort of doctor's visit - just a superficial cut to the lip that bled like crazy.

Overall, though, those were pretty isolated incidents. Sure, it was hectic trying to get two kids and their supplies out of the house, attempting to make sure Joseph didn't seriously harm himself (or Conrad) while I was trying to get lunches ready or laundry folded, worrying about whether each child was getting enough of my attention, but it really wasn't as bad as I was expecting. We got out of the house everyday. Conrad came to play dates, the park and trips to Target and only exhibited some minor fussiness while out and about. Despite not napping more than 30 minutes any day, Joseph remained relatively happy and content with the new schedule and routine. We all survived.

Of course, we have lots of people who assisted us in surviving the week...my playgroup Mommy friends for opening their houses to us for play dates (play dates that allowed me to sit in one spot while Joseph expended energy in a contained area) and sending us home with yummy dinners, the night nurse who is coming every other night, allowing me to sleep 7 hours (with a quick pumping session in the middle), and my husband for managing to come home before 6 pm every night and doing more than his fair share of night time duties to help keep me sane.

So on the eve of beginning week 2, I am optimistic that handling these two will not actually send me to an early demise. I know there are going to be days ahead when both are sick or one is teething or I am just exhausted and I am going to lay down on the floor and cry or call Rich telling him I am losing my mind or drink a pitcher of margaritas at 11 am, but I am actually starting to think this might end up being kinda fun...