Giving Thanks

I'm going to be a copy cat and just hope that my BIFF Mandie truly believes imitation is the greatest form of flattery and is so happy I FINALLY got around to blogging again, she doesn't care. Her Thankful post the other day inspired me to blog about the people I'm most thankful for. Sorry, it's a day late.

So here's the top 5 people I'm thankful for (in no particular order):

1. My husband. I'm thankful to have a husband who is a true partner in every aspect imaginable. Thankful for a husband who gives babies baths with more gusto than an exhausted mama can muster at tne end of the day. Thankful for a husband who in all honesty does more of the late night paci insertions, patting back to sleeps and settling downs after bad dreams than I do. Thankful for a husband who e-mails his boss at 4 am to tell him he's going to be late when I wake up with a 101 fever in the middle of the night (and then loads up two kids in the car and high tails it to the pediatrician's office that morning to get a double ear infection diagnosis). I'm thankful for a husband that strikes just the exact right balance between his responsibilities to provide for our family through a job he loves and his responsibilities to give us all his love and attention. I could go on and on...

2. Joseph. I'm thankful for the way he makes me laugh EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. The exuberance and intensity he brings to EVERYTHING.SINGLE.THING he does. For the hilarious things that come out of his mouth. For providing me, through his antics, with countless Facebook status updates. Thank you for making me a mom and showing me what unconditional love means. For showing me how perfectly two people's genetics can blend to create one perfect, beautiful, vibrant little person.

3. Conrad. I'm thankful for him finally giving me the opportunity to experience the way your heart warms when a newly awake, still sleepy baby greets you with the sweetest smile and baby babble the minute they see you walk in a room (Joseph doesn't really wake up in a good mood). For being a calm, predictable, happy little personality. I'm thankful for the way he watches his brother with an intensity that says "I want to do everything you do". I'm even thankful for those afternoon naps that sometimes don't last so long. Sometimes they make me stop the toy cleanup and laundry doing and dishwasher unloading and just sit and rock a baby while I drift off to sleep myself. I'm thankful for him making our family just a little closer to being complete.

4. My Mom & Dad. They continue to show through example that your job (and sleepless nights) as a parent never really ends. I'm thankful for a mother who on a May morning rushes to you on the first plane she can catch when all hopes and dreams are crashing down around you. A mother who says "I'm coming down there" before you can even get the tear choked request out of your mouth. For a father who spends an entire week of vacation hauling boxes and driving across the country and organizing cabinets and closets when you decide to move 14 hours away with a 2-year old and 2 month old. I'm thankful for parents who love my babies the way I love them and don't mind responding to their 6am wakeup calls so Mommy and Daddy can make the teeniest of dents in the 3-ish years of sleep deprivation we've accumulated.

5. My brother (and Renee too!). For continuing to be my partner in crime in harassing my parents for doing things like wearing bright orange reflective vests when they take walks in the evening and buying TV dinner trays so they can eat dinner in the living room while they watch TV. For being witty and funny and making me laugh with crazy antics. For picking a chica who's the complete opposite of the crazy, psychotic future-sister-in-law I could have ended up with. And for the future nieces and nephews he'll give me (hopefully sometime BEFORE my kids are old enough to babysit for them). I might even be thankful for that sometimes ornery, high maintenance personality that seems to have made it's way into my first born's DNA. At least I know what to expect since I grew up dealing with it (Disney World won't be the most magical place on Earth for us).

And some honorable mentions (again, no particular order):

* My extended family. I'm thankful for countless childhood memories. The glazed donuts at the Star Market lunch counter with Grandma Carras. The collectible crystal pieces I still treasure from Grandpa Carras. The popsicles and special treats and over-the-top spoiling by Grandma and Grandpa Conrad. The girls-day-out trips that my Aunt Kathy, Aunt Pam and Aunt Janice always included me in. I'm thankful for the football games and basketball games that Aunt Kathy and Uncle Larry came too regularly just to cheer me on with my poms-poms on the field. Thankful too for my Aunt Risa with her generous heart (and Uncle Lou too for the countless laughs over the years). For my cousins and built in best friends...for going along with some of the wacky games I came up with (Olympics, Saratoga Race Track) and putting up with my...hmmm...sometimes slightly bossy personality. I love you all and am happy to live closer to you all.

* My friends. The in-real-life ones and the interwebs one. I'm thankful for the times you've been there to celebrate with me and the times I've been sad and disappointed and you've cheered me up. For people like Anne and Erin and Lauren, for the inside jokes and hilarious memories. For Mandie and the e-mails in the middle of the tough afternoon that make me LOL, literally. For Harmony and Mandie who are still some of the only people in my life that completely understand that no matter how long it's been, there's still a tiny piece of your heart that is sad this time of year. I'm thankful for their blogs who make me feel close even when thousands of miles separate us.

* My in-laws. I'm thankful for the way they accepted me into their family without any of the weird jealous "you're stealing my son/brother" dramatics that so many crazy in-laws pull. For the way they'll do anything for us and they way they love my boys unconditionally.

* Sofia, my 3-morning/week nanny who saves my sanity many days. I love the way Joseph yells "Sofia coming today! YAY!" and jumps up and down in the morning and the way Conrad lights up when she walks in the house. I'm also really thankful for her laundry folding skills and the way I leave with 3 loads in process and come home to 2 hampers filled with folded clothes.

* Barack Obama. Despite being part of an ever shrinking group that feels this way, I still think YOU ROCK!!!! I'm thankful for the holidays we'll share when one of my boys marry Sasha (she clearly is going to like younger men) and we share grandchildren.

* Price William and Kate Middleton. Thanks for giving me something to obsess over for the next 5 months. I'm thankful for the fact that your romance can allow me to be naive and believe that yours will be the royal romance that finally lives up to the fairy tale. And of course I'm thankful for the future princess who will marry my other son. I've got lofty expectations for my boys.

So there you have it, my 2010 thankful list. And Mandie, in case you don't subscribe to the whole "imitation is flattery" thing, I'll throw in some overt flattery. Y'all need to check out her blog. It's hilarity in blog form. Seriously, this girl needs to write a book.

Mr. Personality

Oh, yes. Mr. Conrad is certainly starting to develop a personality. He's babbling and laughing, rolling after toys and trying to scoot around the floor. He's started taking baths with his big brother (thanks to this awesome invention) and he loves to kick and splash. Joseph kicks and splashes right back and it's a big old giggle fest in the tub (assuming everyone has napped well and one - if not both kids - are not near meltdown mode by bath time). His babbling is a little bit like screaming...

People ask me a lot if Joseph and Conrad have similar personalities. The answer is yes and no. No in the sense that Conrad is not bat.shit.crazy. Joseph is....oh goodness, it's honestly, hard to even describe Joseph. He's just more. More? What does that mean? He's a typical child but with more persistence, more energy, more passion, more zest for life, more ker-aziness than your average kid. He's just Joseph...and we love him...but we didn't need another just like him.

Luckily, Conrad is calmer. He can be quite content with a couple toys just watching Joseph and I build block towers. While Joseph was at school today, I laid toys out all over the basement, turned on some music and ironed for almost an hour while Conrad played with minimal fussing. I NEVER could have done that with Joseph. 5 minutes in and he would have been telling me in his infant way "Oh hellz no, lady, you best be devoting your attention to me real quick". Conrad wants to crawl - he gets up on his hands and rocks his little tushy - but when he realizes he can't do it yet, he just lays down and rolls. Joseph's failed crawling attempts ended with screaming and crying and utter frustration. Joseph has always jumped in to new things with both feet. He's never been hesitant about new people or places or experiences. New = fun and exciting. Conrad is more hesitant. He's wary of new people and crowded places make him visibly nervous. He does not like little old ladies all up in his face cooing. He's definitely the more cautious child.

How are they similar? Conrad is as perceptive as Joseph is. Joseph's scarily perceptive. My dad put a smoke detector up when he took a nap one day. He hadn't been out of his room 5 seconds and he was like pointing at it yelling "Oh, oh, oh...wuz that?" Joseph has an insane sense of smell. Rich was eating fries one night when Joseph woke up in his crib. Rich went in to settle him down and immediately Joseph starting yelling "FRIES!!!!". Joseph smells everything. He sniffs his clothes, his toys...definitely his food...which equals VERY picky eating. He chokes and gags if he eats something he doesn't like. Conrad is the same way. He completely dry heaved and vomited after getting a single spoonful of peas.

Conrad doesn't miss much either, which as we learned makes traveling and needing to share a bedroom with him slightly difficult. Rich and I couldn't go to bed while in Vermont without him waking up. Almost every night he ended up snuggled in bed with me for an hour before I put him back in his crib....Only to be awakened by him at 3 am pulling down the bumper, staring at us and squealing (as if to say - "Hey peeps, I see you over there. I'd like in on that snuggle action").

He's also quite energetic with his toys....like a certain somebody also was.

Although, he's got some work to do because I don't see him getting THIS crazy with an exersaucer anytime soon.

I did find Conrad like this this morning:

I fed him breakfast, cleaned it up, came back 3 minutes later and there he was...asleep. I can assure you that never happened with Joseph. If it had, I probably would have called 911.

Fall Funsies!

Hello People! I don't have a good excuse for my lack of blogging behind the same tired "we're busy" excuse. Which is true but you're tired of hearing it and I'm tired of typing it. So let's just cut right to the point of this post: Fall photos!!!

We've been enjoying our first family fall in New England. While we have seasons in the south, autumn isn't really autumn except in New England. The air is crisper and the leaves are brighter than anywhere else in the country. We even got to enjoy a little taste of Vermont last week with a visit to "PopPop and T" (my parents).

I'm tired (Thanks to a 7 month old who decided at 9 pm last night he randomly needed another bottle but has parents that are so stupid they didn't realize he was waking up every 20-30 minutes because he was hungry until after midnight. Thanks also to this city's ridic waste management department who feels 4:00 am on Monday mornings is a perfectly acceptable time at which to collect garbage and a 2 year old who is petrified of the "boom boom" truck and screams bloody murder at the "boom boom sounds".) so I'll limit the commentary and just share the pictures.

So, our trip to Vermont involved hanging out at the Vermont Country Store:

A trip to the pumpkin patch where Joseph ate apple cider donuts

And we attempted some family photos:

And we hung out with the uni-bomber (aka Uncle Jeffrey).

We just hung out at PopPop and T's house:

(Uncle Jeffrey looking less terroristic)

And Conrad got some bonding time with the great-grandparents he's named after:

And we tortured naked babies in hollowed out pumpkins:

And made some forceful attempts at capturing brotherly love on camera (which ended with Joseph climbing over the couch yelling "No touch baby!!!" and "Mine pumpkin!")

And in true Vermont fashion, fall left as quickly as it came because on Friday we got a snowstorm. A full out, hardcore snow that lasted 3-ish hours that left us with 2-3 inches of snow!

And because their true northeasterners, my parents celebrated thinking this meant they'd be hitting the ski slopes early this year. And because I'm not yet that reacquainted with the frozen tundra, I cried myself to sleep thinking about snow suits and hats and gloves and two kids in and out of the car and being trapped in my house for months. Luckily, winter isn't quite upon us in Connecticut.

It's Been So Long Since Last We Met.....

Well, yes. I'm sure you are thinking it has been a long time since I met my blog. Unfortunately, a hubby in the midst of a whirlwind travel schedule and kids who ended up with colds = little time or energy for the blog.

But what I'm really referring to is my recent reunion with one my bestest college friends, Lauren (and FYI...the title of this little entry is the opening line of the Georgetown Fight Song). Her week long East Coast tour brought her to the big old city and she was more than willing to hop on a Sunday morning train out to the 'burbs. Amazingly, it's been over 4 years since we saw each other but a move from DC to Phoenix (for her) and 2 kids (for me) doesn't make it easy to see each other very often.

But even after 4 years we still had a great time reminiscing about good ole days on the Hilltop and catching up on life. Lives that are pretty much polar opposites right now. See, she's still single and LOVING it! She can just decide there's a whole lot of people on the East coast she hasn't seen in too long and head out east for a week. And this trip involves a suitcase and a computer. There's no double stroller and carseats and 1 carry-on with just 47 diapers (just in case your flight makes the morning news for setting some sort of record for time spent trapped on the runway). Her weekend nights (and a lot of her weekday nights too) involve ethnic restaurants and hipster concerts. Mine involve takeout and some DVR. I fell asleep on my couch at 10pm on New Year's Eve last year. She randomly booked a flight and spent NYE in Chile (or something like that) because there was a good deal on the flight. My Christmas card last year was the standard family picture on the beach. She sent a CD of her favorite music from the last year with bands that I had mostly never heard of. It arrived in the mail one day when I was standing in my kitchen barefoot and pregnant (literally) baking Christmas cookies, rocking out to Michael Buble (is that an oxymoron?) with a toddler playing at my feet.

Despite her super coolness, she was still thrilled to spend a day in the 'burbs, sitting on the beach, watching Backyardigans and having pretend sword flights with a 2-year old, feeding an infant a bottle and just generally loving on my babies.

That's why I love her and why Joseph was pretty psyched to make a new friend. He liked Lauren so much, you'd think they were blood related...and well, they sort of are since my boys certainly bleed Hoya blue.

And I just had to add this picture of Joseph:

Taken after he kept putting sand in his mouth and my repeated warnings of "Joseph - that's not going to taste good. Joseph - Don't do that. You're going to get mad."

All Growed Up!

Well, not quite ALL grown up....but we're getting there. Both boys are celebrating significant milestones today. Today was Joseph's first day of pre-school. I really hadn't been all too worried about it because Joseph is a pretty social kid and because I have super awesome friends (in Charlotte :-( ), I had left him alone at play dates when Conrad was first born and he had done wonderfully! So I was sort of surprised when I was a little anxious and tearful this morning. Anxious that he wouldn't do as well as I expected, anxious that something would happen to him while out of my care...yada, yada...if you're a parent, you know what I am talking about. I was a little tearful too at the thought of my first teeny, tiny little baby being big enough to go to pre-school. He looked like such a big boy in his jeans and rolled up collared shirt and vest and sporting his backpack. Well not too big - because those jeans are Gap adjustable waist jeans, size 12-18 month (he's 29 months) and adjusted to the 2nd to last tightest setting. The child is so skinny and short legged!

In expected Joseph style, he paused for a total of 3 pictures outside before realizing other kids were beating him to get inside and he started demanding "Go in school. Hurry! Hurry!" Once we got in, he made a straight shot for the puzzles and blocks and trucks and laid claim to a specific truck. 2 minutes in and we were having a discussion about sharing the truck. He barely took notice when we kissed and hugged him goodbye.





I returned to a VERY tired Joseph. I didn't even have to talk to him to know he was spent. The teacher reported he had been a non-stop, on-the-move kid and never once asked for me...no surprises there. As also expected, he melted down about 3 seconds after getting in the car. Joseph overtired and overstimulated is a Joseph you don't want to see. A quick drive home, a quick lunch, and 4-5 more meltdowns that left his first pre-school craft project (a clothes-pin butterfly) in numerous pieces and he was off for a nap....which he screamed through for the first 30 min but has now been asleep for 2-ish hours.

Please note the reason the quality of these pictures suck is because we made the rookie, 1st time parent mistake and forgot to charge our nice camera last night. We got 1 picture before it decided to die. Luckily, I still have my trusty little PowerShot.

So on to Conrad. Today Conrad turned 6 months old!!! Has it really been 6 months since I walked into a hospital in shock that I was absolutely about to give birth again. 6 months since we first laid eyes on this sweet, tiny little face:



Conrad is just happy to be a normal 6 month old....eating (well, sort of eating...he seems to have Joseph's picky eating traits) pureed bananas and sweet potatoes and carrots and pears. He's sleeping through the night most nights although this means his wake-up time has become somewhere between 5-6 am. He's tripod sitting like a champ and sitting independently for longer and longer periods. He rolls around trying to keep up with his brother. He's quickly learning rolling isn't going to help him keep pace with big brother and he's becoming increasingly frustrated with his inability to crawl. I can't say I'm excited for the crawling, especially since when held at his waist, Conrad can pretty much handle standing. Crawling turns into pulling to standing which turns into cruising which turns into walking very, very quickly.

In the meantime, we'll enjoy these pictures of Conrad's attempts at sitting. He's looking super cute in the adorable baseball coverall that his great Aunt Helen sent him.



Seriously, when did I become a mom of a pre-schooler and 6 month old?

Hey, good looking...

It's a very well established and fairly indisputable fact that Joseph favors me in the looks department. Particularly as an infant our baby pictures were nearly identical (if you could overlook the 1980's picture quality). Two posts from Joseph's early days clearly displayed our similarities: four months old & eight months old comparisons.


Richard could easily have denied that kid for the first 12 months of his life. Although no one who actually knows Richard and has spent more than, say, 5 minutes around Joseph would have any doubt that that kid is his. Personalities = identical. Plus, Joseph has started to become more of a mix of the two of us in his toddler years.


Conrad, on the other hand, has been more of a mix from day one. Sometimes I look at him and see myself staring back, but most of the time I see a whole lot of Richard. He's got a longer, thinner face and smaller eyes like Richard (compared to Joseph's and my rounder, fuller face and GINORMOUS eyes). I thought these pictures of Conrad and Richard showed off the similarities pretty well:

Rich (6-ish months)

Conrad - almost 6 months

Yeah, Rich can't really deny this one.

It's funny though, because I have so many people tell me how much Conrad and Joseph look alike. I definitely see the resemblance, particularly when Conrad smiles - they both have my smile and dimples- but I don't think they look "exactly alike". A picture of both Joseph and Conrad at 5 1/2-ish months for comparison:

Joseph:

Conrad:

Hmmm...I don't know? Not that it really matters who they look like because Rich and I are both so damn good looking, these kids are set either way....

Last Days of Summer

Fall is in the air. Well, at least it was. The heat radiating off the sidewalks in the last few days resembles weather more appropriate for July than the last days of August. I am starting to think this may be the summer that never ends. We did, however, get a few day break from the heat last week. The cool, crisp mornings that require me to throw sweaters over pajamas for early morning play sessions in the yard and enjoying dinner outside without the humidity causing us to high tail in back into the a/c are reminders that in fact, this summer, like all summers, will end.

The public school buses making practice runs down our street and today's introductory play date in preparation for Joseph's own first day of pre-school are further reminders that end of summer is upon us. The talk of Halloween costumes has become part of our daily conversation

Me: Joseph, what do you want to be for Halloween?
Joseph: A duck
Me: What about a dinosaur? I can't find a good duck costume.
Joseph: No, no dino, Mommy. Duck!

I will not mention the Eddie Bauer and LL Bean catalogues stuffed in our mailbox hawking their down coats and wool mittens and hats. Another reminder that, unlike the last two years, I have to do more than graze the racks of Gap Kids looking for a "cute", not necessarily practical, winter jacket and snow gear. These kids need snow pants and boots and functional hats and mittens. And all this garb needs to be put on for a trip out of the house for like 4-5 solid months. I'm starting to have a panic attack...

At least I won't have to hear anyone refer to a winter hat as a toboggan this year. Seriously, southerners, toboggans are sleds.

So what do my southern born but newly transplanted to New England babies do in the waning days of summer? They get their swim (or sprinkler) on in the backyard.

They drink from hoses:

And slide down homemade water slides:

And make their cheesy "Say Cheese" faces at the camera:

And the littlest one just watches and follows his big brother's every move, waiting for the day when he gets to run through the sprinkler too:

And the biggest one even pauses for a minute in the general vicinity of his brother - just long enough for me to snap this picture:

And if I close my eyes and wish hard enough, this is exactly what we'll be doing in 6-ish months because this summer is never going to end....

Hide N Seek

2010 style. Because kids these days can sit on the couch and play hide-n-seek with their aunt via video conferencing...



As you can tell, he quite enjoyed it.

And a cute glimpse into what Conrad enjoys these days...just hanging out, rolling, watching his big brother's every move.

Of course, Joseph couldn't NOT make an appearance. As you will see when you watch the video, he was quite displeased by the fact that the video was not about him.

I love how the minute the camera is on him, he settles his ass down. I also didn't notice until I watched the video back that at one point Joseph hits Conrad out of frustration for no longer being the ONLY center of attention in our lives.

Pretend Play

Yes! I am blogging! Want to know why after 3+ weeks, I am finally blogging? Because my mother-in-law is here! So despite the fact that after getting both boys down for a nap, cleaning up the house and responding to a few e-mails, Conrad woke up after a total of 25 minutes asleep, I am still sitting here blogging and watching Real Housewives of NJ (Seriously, Teresa stop spending money! You are going bankrupt, why are you going to effing Italy? Ok, rant over), while Conrad is rocked by his Cilla. Yay!

So to the point of this post....I spend too much time at Target. Want to know how I know this? Because Joseph has started playing "Target". Yup, he demanded we play Target the other day while his brother napped.

So, we loaded up some shelves with Target-like wares (some plates and cups, food products, baby products) and Joseph selected his merchandise and loaded his cart:

Then he had me check him out using a bubble wand and some "beep beep" sound effects:

He, of course, had to pay for his purchase with his Gymboree gift card turned Debit Card, which he swiped just like Mommy would:

He loaded his bags back into his cart (with Raggedy Andy playing the part of "baby"):

And headed straight to the elevator (because our Target has an elevator) aka his closet with makeshift buttons:

We played for nearly an hour yesterday until Conrad woke up...at which time, Joseph threw his cart over and stomped out of the room at the mere idea that I would allow his brother to play along.

Joseph loved this game so much that he woke up at 5 am (yes, 5 am) today to start playing. Isn't that fabulous?

Up in the Club

Where was I at 10 am today? Up in the club getting my dance on with two cute boys.

Granted, this club was my living room and the music was the dance channel on DirecTV music. Everyone there was wearing pajamas rather than their slinkiest outfit. The drink special was diluted apple juice served in sippy cups and all the boys were under 3 feet tall whose dance moves involved less grinding and more running in circles.



On a rainy morning with a tired mama who has no interest in leaving the house, we danced and danced and danced some more. We danced to Baby Einstein CDs in Joseph's room, we danced to Laurie Berkner band songs on You Tube in the basement, we danced to satellite TV music channels in the living room. We danced anywhere that would keep Joseph from running to the door and yelling "Out in Car!!!" (Which is his way of telling me simply going out in the backyard to play with the toys he sees everyday ain't gonna cut it. When he says "Out in Car!!" he means take me some place new and exciting with lots of kids to play with...and do it NOW!!!!) And we made it through the morning with only relatively minor fits when his demands of "Out in Car" were met with a sound "NO!!!". Although the first thing out of his mouth when I went to get him from his nap was "Out in car". I relented and we made it up the street for some ice cream.

Warm and Fuzzy

These two little videos with my two favorite little men give me the warm and fuzzies.

First, I present, some of Mr. Conrad's earliest giggles and sweet little laughs:



(On a side note what does not give me the warm and fuzzies is Joseph yelling "Pop Pop" and whining in the background. This was a result of Richard informing him on Friday morning that Pop Pop (my dad) was coming that evening. After a nap session that involved more screaming for Pop Pop than sleeping, my mother and I listened to approximately 3 hours of Joseph saying "Pop Pop" over and over and over again. Thankfully he made it by 5:30 and was greeted my a smiling Joseph running to him before his feet touched our driveway).

Second, we have a cute little ditty starring Mr. Joseph at the Vermont Country Store. Everything about this makes me laugh...the ridiculous cow hat on his head, his head bopping to the cymbal monkey and his demands of "Mine! Mine! Mine!" when he hears the accordion.



I love these little men. Yes, yes I do.

Differences

A first born child gets to enjoy his mobile peacefully.

When you are the second born child, you have to enjoy your mobile with your older brother all up in your bizness, turning the gosh darn thing on and off and smacking at it all rambunctious-like, nearing trampling you in the process.

The other difference- with baby #1, Mommy used the 20 minutes of mobile time to put on make-up or eat lunch. With baby #2, Mommy has to spend the 20 minutes listening to kid #1 scream "Up! Night Night!!!" until she lets him get in the crib with his brother and then has to stand right there making sure baby #2 doesn't end up with cracked ribs or missing an eye from big brother's attempts to smack the heck out of the mobile.

FYI - the reason Joseph is clad in just a diaper with wet hair is because mobile time happened after I attempted a shower. A shower that ended with Joseph in with me and an entire $25 bottle of Aveda face wash dumped into the tub. The mobile was supposed to keep Conrad happy while I clothed Joseph...but clearly that didn't work out in my favor.

The ugly truth

Alright, folks. I am going to give it to you straight because that's how I roll. Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm pretty open and honest. I don't sugar coat things. I don't pretend like marriage and having kids is a constant whirlwind of puppies and rainbows. There are days that suck. Days when at the exact right moment if someone were willing to trade me a martini and a copy of US Weekly for my kids, I might just take them up on it. Of course, there are moments and days that are wonderful too...but tonight I want to focus more on the part that sucks (excuse me, I feel the need to throw a pity party tonight).

So yeah, things kind of suck right now. Who knew moving with two kids 2 and under to a new place where you know NOBODY, would be stressful and overwhelming? I left a life that took 8 years to build in Charlotte and it's hard to not know where to take Joseph to blow off energy, to have other moms to get together with, not to have a list of nannies/babysitters to call so I can have some time to myself, to not have an established housekeeper to scrub my bathrooms yet. We are 90% moved in but there are pictures that need to be hung and lamps with no shades and piles of stuff everywhere because there are pieces of furniture we need to buy for this bigger house. My hyper-organized self feels like I am living in chaos. This place doesn't feel like home yet. I feel isolated and lonely and quite frankly, bored. I love my kids but 12 hours a day with no interaction besides a 3 month old and a 2 year old is mentally draining. I want adults to talk to...even if we are talking about the proper timing of potty training and the appropriate age to wean from the swaddle.

I am making efforts - I joined a couple mom's groups on meetup.com, I'm constantly researching kid's activities in the area, I have the name of a housekeeper, I've browsed sittercity.com, but it is going to take time to get my feet underneath me and get established....and this transition period is killing me. I'd be lying if I said I haven't cried everyday, sometimes more than once a day. And for anyone who knows me, this isn't surprising.

The kids aren't really making it easier either. Joseph loves being around other people. He loved his weekly playgroups as much as I did. We'd arrive in front of a house he recognized and he'd throw his arms up in the air and yell "Yay!" and practically fall out of the car trying to get out of there ASAP. He's in a period of adjustment too and not really understanding why he's stuck with just me all day everyday. He's acting out - if I tell him not to do something, he purposely does it with a look on his face that says "Hey lady, are you really going to stop me?". A week after moving into a house with 3 floors, he conveniently has learned how to open his baby gates. This has been a source of conflict between he and I all week. He can't stand the sight of his brother right now. I think somehow he equates his lack of being around other people with Conrad and well, he's sort of right.

I do try to get Joseph to the playground or the play area at the mall or the train table at the Barnes & Noble so he at least gets some interaction with other people but each of these attempts has resulted in major stress for me. First, Conrad hates his car seat. He screams his head off coming or going, or both. By the time we got home from Target on Monday, a trip that takes 10 minutes, he was near hyperventilating and had sweat through his clothes. I felt horrible but we can't avoid the car for the next 6 months. Like his older brother, he also has a hard time sleeping anywhere but my arms or his crib (and even for naps that lasts max 40 minutes). If we go out for a few hours, he's awake the entire time. By the end, he's overtired and just wants to sleep and ends up just crying and crying and crying until he dozes for a max of 5-10 minutes. His stomach issues and reflux keep him from being able to eat really large feedings so we're still doing 3-ish ounces every 2 hours or so (and don't even get me started on the spit up sessions that inevitably follow). A trip out usually means a feeding. Combine a feeding, a playground, a 2-year old who is persistently testing his limits and one tired, stressed mama and it never ends well, for anyone. I've lost my patience and yelled at Joseph more than I care to admit in the last few days and then the guilt eats me alive.

We went into this knowing the first few months would be rough but you can never really anticipate or imagine just how hard it will be until you are in the midst of it. I know by the fall things will be so much easier. And there are bright spots. I mean, we live a block and the half from the ocean. You can't help but smile when you walk to the end of the block and this is what greets you:

And when your sweet little boy enjoys running on the beach this much:

Or when your 3 month old who doesn't sleep outside the house falls asleep in the Baby Bjorn while at the beach:

And these moments are the what keeps me from trading these munchkins for that martini and US weekly...

All Boxed Up

Well, sort of boxed up. We don't actually have to pack a single box because we were left with strict instructions from the moving company not to pack anything - they'd be handling it all. However, in the last 5 years we (or I...because Rich thought it was a bad idea) had stockpiled a ton of empty boxes in the attic due to my rationale that they would be handy when we moved. So instead of packing them up, we had to collapse them all and haul them to the recycling center....all while Rich reminded me over and over that saving every diaper box that ever came in the house was ridiculous.

It was a pain but at least we did get some help from Joseph...

And the pile of boxes you see here is about 1/3 of what came out of the attic. We had already taken one trip to the recycling center when this video was taken.

Life Goes On

And now that the theme song to that show is in my head...ob la di, ob la da....

Moving on...let's get this out right away. I know I am a poor excuse of a blogger. It's been almost a month. That's pathetic.

However, in our defense we have been a tad busy. The month of May so far has offered a milk protein allergy for Conrad which was followed by a 3 day horrific transition to formula, a failed attempt to cut dairy from my diet and an emotionally difficult decision to just stop breastfeeding (just typing that makes the mommy guilt swell up so much that I want to cry). May also treated us to colds for everyone in the house (mine turned into a lovely ear infection, sinus infection and bronchitis trifecta that still has me coughing up a lung all day long), a stomach bug for Joseph (which conveniently reared it's ugly ahead about 10 hours before what would have been his birthday party), 2 cases of oral thrush for Conrad and 1 for Joseph . Oh yeah and on April 30th, Rich resigned from his job because we are moving to Connecticut next week. Ya know, a toddler and a newborn wasn't enough for us so we decided to move across the country. I don't think I need to list out the 1,000 things we've been busy with associated with moving You can figure that out on your own. Oh, and if you didn't realize, we've still got 8 days of May left.

Anyways, whether it's the move or the weird hormonal effects of no longer breastfeeding, I've been weepy and reflective the last week or so (when I actually have 3 minutes to think). I keep wondering where time is going...I met Rich 10 years ago in May, graduated from college 7 years ago, we're celebrating our 7 year anniversary next week, my teeny tiny baby Joseph is a 2 year old who attempts to boss me around - Mommy sit! Mommy no! Mommy bye bye! (which he says as he slams the door to his room when he wants to be alone to read...errr... I mean, put stickers all over his furniture and color on the walls), Conrad is hurdling towards 3 months and the teeny little newborn clothes are already re-packed in plastic bins and back in the attic. Where has all this time gone?

With the move to Connecticut approaching so quickly, I keep imagining this visual of turning the page of a book from one chapter to another. I've been in Charlotte almost 8 years. 8 years of wonderful memories, favorite places, great friends. 8 years with so many life milestones...getting married, buying our first home, welcoming two beautiful babies into the world. I find myself driving past the park I love to take Joseph to, a favorite restaurant, the school Joseph would have gone too and the tears just overwhelm me. It's hard to leave a place you love, a place you know you could have been happy in for the next 20 years. Don't get me wrong, we know we've made a great decision to move to Connecticut and are excited about the opportunities for our family there, but it doesn't make leaving this place we love any easier.

One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with about moving now is the fact that I know my boys are going to have no memory of this place. No memory of the home where they were dreamed of, where we anxiously waited their arrival, lovingly prepared a nursery for them, brought them home from the hospital and where Joseph accomplished so many of his first milestones. Beyond the pictures we have, they'll never know what this place was like. And that brings the tears every time...

Perhaps the most bittersweet reminder that life is always moving forward came on May 15th. I'd been so busy and sick that the actual date had not been registering with me for days but I happened to write the date that day. I literally stopped in my tracks thinking "Oh my god, how did I forget what yesterday was?" May 14th marked 3 years since my miscarriage - the worst day of my life - a day when I sat in my OB's office listening to the worst news I'd ever received, a day when I cried myself to complete exhaustion, a day when I thought my heart would never stop aching and this pain would be with me forever. How did I not even remember 3 years later? When did the constant ache turn into something that only hurt on the rare occasions when I actually was reminded of it? I guess 2 kids and 3 years later, it just happened.

So as May comes to close and our days in Charlotte count down, I am constantly reminded that life does go on. We'll build a life in Stamford, new friends will be made, new places will become our favorite spots and all of what I currently know will be a fond, but distant memory.

Dear God, It's me Crystal

Dear God,

You have blessed me with two seriously beautiful children. I know I am partial, but look at these kids:

They are some seriously good looking children.

Joseph is also blessed with a determined, energetic and persistent personality. This makes parenting him as a toddler both a great joy and an immense challenge.

When I was pregnant with Conrad, I asked that you bless me with an equally wonderful child, one who maybe could also be a slightly easier infant than Joseph was. It seems this was not in your plans. Severe reflux and a potential milk allergy do not make for an easy infant. And persistent, active toddlers do not like hanging around the house waiting for infants with milk allergies to repeat their 2 hour cycle of eating, vomiting, crying/fussing, sleeping for 10 min, then waking up screaming, only to repeat said cycle.

I can only assume that you are continuing to bless me with these challenging infants/toddlers because you have some great reward for me in the future. These children with such strong little personalities will certainly grow into adults with strong personalities. These personalities will help them to achieve great things in life....things that will reward them handsomely monetarily. In return for me dealing with their challenging little personalities as children, they will certainly reward me by letting me live out my retirement in luxury....exotic vacations, a large house with a full staff of help, daily spa treatments.

Certainly this must be your plan. Correct? Please tell me I am making the right assumption because right now there are days where this assumption is the only things that gets me through the day.

Sincerely,

Crystal